To whom it May Concern,
Thank you, I thank you for all you have done and all you have yet to accomplish. I wish to share a story with you my friend. We are connected now, you and I, for you are now apart of my story, the one that is still yet to be written. Today I share with you a perspective, something of an awakening on my behalf that I wish for others to see. Not to be glorified not something spectacular or to be witnessed. But rather one story of but many like it on how it is we can influence our lives in the direction we wish to take it.
As humanity has evolved over the countless centuries people have come and gone, regimes has risen and fallen, empires have been built and destroyed. And yet the stories, the heroes and villains are to be remembered eternally. Stories have Such a way of reaching inside and revealing feelings most bury deep down.
And so it is I share with you a piece of my story, its is a story of a man lost only to be found . We start just before my 25th birthday. March 2016, the location was Phoenix, Arizona, and I was preparing to celebrate me. At that time I was one of those guys, in that I cared about the physical, very much involved in the aesthetics of life. I would spend two to three hours daily working on my body, I was a monster in the gym. Not the biggest but very strong and visually appealing, I was at my physical peak in life. The gym had become my playground, there Was not a movement, lift, or tool that I had not mastered. At this point in my life I was very full of knowledge, I could tell you the best ways to workout, the best way to fuel and refuel your body and how to blow past your previous limits.
Gym goer, master, by day and bartending, bar dancing, lady Killin, guy by night. The birthday commenced, and the party was to be unforgettable. I hopped from bar to bar free drinks left and right. And out of it I became, I blacked completely out, only to come to later passed out on a couch at a bar I had worked at in the past. Friends were searching & looking for me to no avail until someone thought to check such a couch in the office. When I was awoken man did I feel crappy , I could not remember a thing and the booze had not worn off. My friend & I after he locked up the bar left to grab some food, and as we were waiting for the grubbage, fists of fury had released out of me. For some reason I became so incredibly angry, upset at myself for the state of my current reality. Upset at all the lies I had told, all the faking I had perpetrated, I had enough and so I began to let it all go. Drunk without feeling I started to endlessly punch a tree, damaging myself and not the tree in the process. Looking back at this moment it now becomes clear to me how much has since changed from just this Single moment. As the story I dictate unfolds there are other moments of incredible importance but realizing this as I right, this release this boiling over effect from all the falseties I had unconsciously allowed to run my life was incredibly focal towards my evolution. The night soon ended, I made it home safely with some bruised and bloodied Knuckles and a question. The next day came andLife renewed its daily cycle, I hadn't truly seen fully the picture as clear as it soon became. Then not too much later maybe a month or so I met a women. This women was about to catalyze this evolutional path that I have been on ever since. I found someone true, when we talked everything disappeared and the secrets and mysteries began to reveal themselves. Because she was so earnestly and honestly herself she unknowingly gave me permission to do the same.
I had met a person that for the first five in my life truly wanted to see ME to know ME. We spoke about truth, about our goals, our dreams, our hopes, and desires. We spoke of the universe and creation and Life.
And then it happened, that preverbal other shoe dropped. At the time when I would least expect Such an occurrence my body betrayed me. My companion, the temple I thought I had prostrated perfectly to decided that it would succumb. It happened almost overnight, as I awoke from another beautiful night full of expansion and curiosity, life felt as though I needed a nudge forwards. My Lymphs were so swollen and it hurt so bad, never in all my years had I experienced Such a sore throat such an aversion to talking. As a tender of bar and a coach it's easy to see how impactful a throat infection can be to my livelihood. So against my better judgement I went to urgent care. They did the usual "comprehensive" test, and came to a quick conclusion that I had a bacterial infection of the throat. So prescribe me some random antibiotic they did and send me on my way saying," it should clear up after a week." You are a smart person and so you know this isn't how the story ends. So as the week came and went and I only got worse and worse, the lymphs swelled to the size of golf balls and talking had almost ceased completely. Now my sleep Started to go, my energy dropped and nothing seemed able to help. Of course being a man with an ego and being as stubborn as I am I thought, "this will pass and I just need more vitamins and maybe some green juices to help me bounce back." Eventually it became to much and forced I was to swallow my pride and go to a "real" professional, a doctor.
Heading towards my destination now almost a month after my first symptoms. I felt some hope, I felt as though things could not become worse. I had been so miserable the whole month, I could barely speak, the swelling hadn't gotten worse in recent weeks but my sleep had now completely been shot. I would sleep 10-12 hours daily and not feel rested. I would be drowsy and sleepy all day, everything in my life seemed to fade away. My job had become lifeless, and stressful, I mean I couldn't speak nor stay focused for long. The gym a place of my previous solace had become a distant memory as I Struggled to just do daily tasks the hope of working out was non existent. But a ray of hope existed, maybe just maybe I could be healed. That hope quickly vanished too. they ran test after test and something came up, an illness I was unaware of. EBV, epstein barr virus, was the culprit, or so I had thought. Only a funny thing happened as the doctor looked at my results and surveyed all the information he said," so it appears as though we still don't know whats attacking your lymphs and causing such low energy in your body."
I was speechless, lost at all reaction, of all words, of all possible responses. In my mind I was of course losing it," what do you mean?"" How could you not know"" what about this thug" "what about this illness I have that I haven't heard of?" I think my thoughts permeated the air because he next addressed those very ideas. He goes on to tell me that although I have EBV, he doesn't see a correlation. That EBV Causes mono in children and it Can impact adult health usually with flu- like symptoms, and lastly that it is incurable so we should not focus on it since there isn't a lot of options in treating it. I proceeded to ask a few pointless, as it turns out, questions and we settled on the idea of setting up surgery to biopsy the glands so as to better understand the cause. I was distraught, Again I felt this anger build up inside, and then I broke down. I cried angrily cursing the world, cursing my life just so incredibly pissed, and confused. The woman who helped me first re awaken was still there, She had been with me this whole time as a friend and so much more. I did not understand why she stayed, why it is She stuck around and in this moment She was my shoulder to cry on.
As I cleaned up my tears and grounded myself back into the moment an idea Sprouted. Call dad he will know what to do, where I Should go. And of course as he always did he come through. A friend he called my father did one of medical expertise but of a holistic manner. So rush I did towards his office, the brevity of my fathers words transmitted a feeling of worry and so I wasted no time in going.
Reconnect with this family friend fun did it become even in the bleakness of the situation. Hope had been restored not even a mere few minutes into the consult did everything release and become easier and less tense. this doctor friend and the connection we had allowed for that feeling and although he had some somber news it felt different it felt like it wasn't hopeless. He immediately correlated all the symptoms, he identified the EBV as the Culprit and also saw something the others had not. He ultra-sounded my spleen and saw that it was almost bursting with inflammation. As the true diagnosis came and because the woman with me was just starting her holistic nutrition program, ask a myriad of questions she did. She asked about this approach, that approach, this diet, that diet this lifestyle that Lifestyle. Like a gameshow contestant on a hot Streak she wouldn't Stop until satisfied. We learned of illness of disease and sickness and the causes of them in a general sense. His advice was this, become as alkalized as possible in order to strengthen the bodies ability to fight this sickness and heal. No more drinking only in very small amounts, no more 3 hour workouts, to avoid going into such a catabolic state so often, and eat as many plants, vegetables, super foods as possible.
Man thats a lot to take in, I mean the drinking okay I can manage, and the working out well the past month I was so exhausted that the gym wasn't even on my mind, but plants you say.
But thats also the thing, something flipped during all this. Part of it happened before on that drunken rage tree smash, most of it when I met that woman who opened my whole world and lastly it Was that last bit of anger that caused this flip. I didn't care any more about anything except feeling better, except about healing and spending time with this wondrous person.
And so it began, plants became my life, and almost magically did my body begin to heal. I found a new purpose and motivation that I had not had in the past. I read, and read and researched and Investigated all I could into my illness into plant based living, and lastlymy sleep. Naturally as it so happened to unfold I too found yoga, and a great energy and purposefulness exuded out of my whole being. It was almost as if it were meant to happen this way. As if life had put these obstacles on my path so I could rise above it and unlock my higher purpose. As I learned, grew, evolved I sought to share this with others. I sought to help others see as I now saw, to better understand the body to realze its power to uplift the mind and ultimately connect with our spirit.
Becoming plant based, vegan, saved my Ife. It allowed me to heal my body, but more importantly it showed me the falseties we see in our reality as what they are, false. We all have our truths, our own truths that be only true to us, but we all have falseness that others to share these falseties , these lies are all common they tell us the same story. Yoga saved my life, it connected me with my spirit or should I say reconnected me. Through the practice after 600 hours of advanced teacher training I rose from the ashes of my past self. I no longer Saw things as valuable, I no longer cared about the aesthetics of life. I grew to care for connections, for friendship, for evolution, for growth. I have become awake, no longer do I Sleep, no Longer am I in that race we call living. We all of us have a choice, we all of us face our obstacles. I could have taken my diagnosis and said," oh well there's nothing I can do its incurable!" I could have allowed my illness to define me and keep me from doing what I'm meant to do. But I didn't and I believe we all have that within us, the willingness to look at our fears our doubts and those obstacles and challenge them.
I'm so very thankful for your time, I'm so very thankful that you cared enough to read this through. I'm also very thankful towards my past, although it was hard I wouldn't change one part, because I am here communicating with you Something so powerful. Our ability to Evolve and grow, to resist and release, to transform, that is our Power, Choose to use it.